The Reality of “Idols Should Be Able to Date Whoever They Want”

It is easy to say you support an idol.

It is easy to say you support an idol’s freedom when you are only imagining the best-case scenario.

Most people who say “idols should be able to date whoever they want” have not really thought the whole thing through. They are usually only thinking about it from the perspective of freedom.

They are thinking:

People should be allowed to make the choices that make them happy.

And generally speaking, sure.

That sounds nice. That sounds reasonable. That sounds like the correct answer.

But that is also what I mean when I say they have not thought things through.

They are looking at it from a Disney movie perspective. The girl meets her handsome dream guy, everyone supports her, they pursue love, and they live happily ever after.

Real life is usually not like that.

Relationships Are Messy

True love does not usually work out perfectly the first time. Fights happen. Bad decisions happen. People choose the wrong partner. Drama spills out into public.

When you are a public figure, that drama does not just affect your personal life.

It affects your image.

That is the part people ignore.

A lot of idol fans already know idols are probably dating.

Why would they not be?

They are some of the most attractive and desirable women in the country. Of course people are interested in them. Of course they have normal human feelings. Of course some of them may be dating someone.

The issue is not simply that fans believe every idol is single and available to them.

The issue is what happens when the idol’s private relationship becomes public and damages the image people had of her.

The Illusion Is Not Just About Being Single

Young women are often terrible judges when it comes to men.
That is not even an idol thing. It's a being young and naive thing.

When people are young, they often chase excitement. They pick the bad boys. They pick guys who are completely wrong for them because that is what feels exciting at the time.

When a normal girl makes that mistake, she gets hurt. Maybe her friends and family judge her. Maybe she learns from it and moves on.

When an idol makes that mistake, publicly her reputation can take the hit.

People think the illusion is only about her being single. But the illusion is also about her being an ideal image. Of someone who's put together. Hell, why do you think they call it being an "Idol."

It is about her being charming, bright, responsible, desirable, and of sound mind.

And as we all know, people in relationships are not always of sound mind.

That is where the danger comes in.

What If Fans Hate the Guy?

The people who always say “idols should be able to date whoever they want” usually have an ideal version of that boyfriend in mind.

They imagine she is dating some nice, handsome (he's got to be handsome), and respectful guy who treats her well and makes her happy.

In that fantasy, supporting her relationship is easy.

But what if she is dating a guy the audience hates?

What if he is a loser?

What if he embarrasses her?

What if he has a bad reputation?

What if he has political views her fans despise?

To use an American internet example, what if she was dating a Trump supporter? Would all of the same people supporting her “right to date” still be as supportive then?

It is a human right, then?

She should be allowed to date whoever she wants, right?

This is the contradiction.

People support freedom when they approve of the choice. But once the choice offends them, suddenly they judge the person differently.

People Support Freedom Until They Disapprove

This is what happened to Laci Green back in 2017.

She was a sex-positive feminist YouTuber who started having conversations with people from the other side of the aisle and later dated anti-SJW YouTuber ChrisRayGun.

A lot of her audience felt betrayed. They turned on her because she was no longer loving, speaking, or associating with people in the way they thought was acceptable.

They did they not want her to be free?

Yes, but they wanted her to be free within boundaries they approved of.

That is the part people do not like to admit.

Sometimes you do not actually want to know too much about the people you look up to. Entertainment is often easier to enjoy when you can think positively about the person you are admiring.

Once you know too much, it becomes harder to separate the person from the image.

Britney Spears and the Cost of Image

Probably the best American celebrity example is Britney Spears when it was discovered she was dating Kevin Federline, one of her background dancers.

He went by K-Fed.

She was on top of the world and one of the biggest pop stars alive. But when people saw her with that guy, the reaction wasn't only about him.

It changed how people looked at her.

People thought:

Really? Him?

And whether that was fair or not, it damaged the image.

She no longer looked like the untouchable pop princess. She looked like someone making bad choices. People saw her differently, respected her less, and that became part of the larger public unraveling of her career.

That is what critics do not understand.

Idols have a lot to lose because their reputation is based on image. The image that they are pretty, well put together, desirable, and in control of themselves.

Once the public starts thinking less of her, it is very hard to repair the damage.

Public Figures Cannot Please Everyone

Michael Jordan famously said:

Republicans buy sneakers too.

The point was it's not smart to alienate a large part of the market.

Whether people like that answer or not, it was a practical one. A public figure’s image has value because many different people can project what they want onto it.

The more specific you become, the more people you risk losing.

And if you dig deep enough into anybody’s life, you are going to find something.

Michael Jordan, Hulk Hogan, Tiger Woods, Britney Spears, whoever.

Eventually, everyone gets caught in some compromising position. Everyone has bad moments. Everyone has poor judgment somewhere.

But idols do not have the luxury of being judged like normal people.

Their careers are finite. If they play their cards right, they can use that short period of popularity to set themselves up for life.

But if they damage their image too early, at the cost of a young romance that probably won't work out, they may never get that opportunity again.

The Rule Is Really About Privacy

That is why this conversation is not as simple as “let them date.”

In reality, no agency or fan can truly control whether someone dates. No rule can stop a person from having feelings. No contract can erase human desire.

The rules are there to maintain privacy.

They are there to protect the illusion.

They are there to keep private mess from becoming public damage.

A few years ago, a couple of idols had their careers ruined or badly set back because they were found to be dating the same guy. Whether they knew about each other or not, it was humiliating for both of them.

The guy, even though everyone knew he was a slimeball, came out looking like king shit.

That is the unfair part.

Idols, and women in general, have far more to lose in the dating market. They are judged differently than men. They are the ones expected to preserve their image. They are the ones whose value is more easily damaged by public embarrassment.

And they are the ones who usually suffer the most from making a bad judgment call.

It's About Risk

That is why I think people misunderstand what the dating rule is really about.

It is not really about saying idols are pure innocent angels who should never experience love.

It is not even about pretending fans truly believe idols never date.

It is about risk.

It is about protecting the idol, the group, the fans, and the business from unnecessary public damage.

Fans already know idols are human. They know idols probably have relationships. What they do not want is for the fantasy to be broken in a way that makes the idol look foolish, careless, compromised, or less admirable.

When people say idols should not date, they are talking about idols while they are still idols.

They are not talking about normal people. They are not usually talking about what she does after her career is over.

Most fans do not care if an idol dates after graduation. At that point, she is no longer playing that role. She is no longer selling that fantasy.

She can date, marry, have children, disappear, come back, or do whatever she wants.

But while she is an idol, her image is part of the job.

The Uncomfortable Truth

“They should be able to date whoever they want” sounds noble until the person they date damages their image, embarrasses them publicly, or turns the audience against them.

Then suddenly, the same people defending her freedom start judging her choices.

So the real argument is not:

Idols should never date.

The real argument is this:

If you choose to be an idol, you are choosing a public role where privacy, image, and fantasy matter. Dating may be your right as a person, but protecting your image is part of the responsibility of the job.

They have the right to date.

The agency has the right to protect the image.

The fans have the right to lose interest.

And the idol has to understand that all three things can be true at the same time.